A lesson from my father

myBREAST are stressed out!
So my dad has warned me numerous times that if a woman appears to have it all together, then everyone will think she is fine and will do fine with or without them. Shocking my dad was proven right again! Numero Uno got pissy because I had a back up plan (it made her feel like I didn't trust her - even though it was only an alarm not an entire backup care taker plan) what do I say about that? Don;t take it so personally!! Anyone who knows me knows that my back contingency plan has a back up for it's back up contingency plan. I've been like that my entire life. I unfortunately grew up in an unorganized family and watched things constantly fall apart due to lack of planning and lack of reliability. So "trusting" you or not has nothing to do with a back up alarm. This practice was only enforced by a career field that gives more praise to the back up plan than the original plan. You work on one project while confirming a back up AND continually upgrading... So I ask you... what type of person leaves you high and dry after you've had a major surgery....? The kind of person that (a) didn't really want to be there - she was hoping it was a vacation AND (b) figures you'll be fine on your own anyway. At least I hope that's what she was thinking. Because if she thought I was going to  fall on my face and she left anyway... that would make her a terrible person and Numero Uno is NOT a terrible person. Just too immature for this task.  And it sucks to have someone pick fights with you, tell you they feel sorry for you because "you're single" and flat out stress you out... it sucks even worse to be doubled over in pain while it's happening. God I know you are teaching me something - I have to trust and rely on other people... but the minute I take a step in that direction (and of course it's baby steps) I get my foot stepped on by someone who is too immature to handle the responsibility. So not only do I have swollen achy breast, a soar bumm from sitting on 48 hours straight but a headache from scrambling and figuring out how I can eat my next meal when the pots are too heavy for me to carry over to the stove. OR how I am going to pour something to drink when the water bottle is on the bottom shelf and even if I could reach down to pick it up I can't physically lift it to my mouth.

In PAIN & Troy isn't making it better...

So Im still not taking any pain meds and the sharp shooting pain has started. AND Troy is making me laugh... Which makes me hurt even more. DAMN HIM!!!!


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myBREAST made it through!!!

16 hours AFTER surgery--



-- and I of course feel like SHIT!!! But in a good way.lol. I've opted to not take any pain killers because they make me nauseas & incoherent. And as we all know by now not being in control is a difficult task for me... & should come as NO SURPRISE that I'd rather feel honest to God pain than be incoherent... PLUS I would take real pain over nausea any day.
What kind of pain: Sharp! Stinging pain. Do you remember skinning your knee on asphalt as a kid -- I know I'm not the only clumsy one out there -- and the air would hit it or you would bend your knee? well it feels like that only a bigger scrape in a more awkward location. For all my white people out there it's been described as a really bad sun burn lol.
Why am I up do you ask? Well número UNO is sleep and can't hear me calling her!! I'm STARVING!!! and THIRSTY!! But in her defense... It is 2am in the morning & she's had a LONG 24 hours. And she's had to clean up vomit, call my doctor, make an emergency run to the Pharmacy AND put up with a very stubborn patient. Ha! I'd be sleep too!

Oh and here's s peek @ the goods:



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Running late per usual...

I'm on my way to the hospital.... 1 hour & Im blogging from my
phone!!! LOVE! Keep me in your prayers.

















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Good night!

The count down - 7 hours and counting. 

Yikes - I'm just a good night's sleep away from my surgery and I am EXHAUSTED! I did a bit of running around and of course got nothing done on my list. But you can't control everything --- a reoccurring lesson God is teaching me. So I am going to sleep tonight - after checking my temperature obsessively. Partially because I love my new gadget thermometer... partially because having a fever gives me an excuse to backout.... partially because I'm anxious and have obsessed over everything leading up to this.  At this point I just really hope I am not burden to my cousin & roommate who are taking care of me. It's very hard for me to "be taken care of..." but I'll keep you posted. Good night everyone and thank you for all the well wishes and happy thoughts and prayers. Me and myBREAST thank you!

The Countdown - less then....

The count down - 14 hours and counting. 

Leaving work - after two shows and proofing my surgery binder - I think I am making good timing. I have to pick up Numero Uno from the train station (which I have no idea where it is) AND then I am making her go last minute shopping and washing with me. YEAH! I still have zero button up shirts to wear to work after the surgery. I also need to go grocery shopping. YIKES! At this rate I'll shopping on my way to the hospital still getting last minute things. Wish me luck! AND KEEP ME IN YOUR PRAYERS!

The Countdown - less then 24 hours...

The count down - 13 16 hours and counting.(Eager Beaver)

I have a show today - correction - I have two shows today. Kind of feel like an empowered woman BUT I imagine I am feeling the  way my guest feel as they're sitting in the dressing room right before the show - a ball of nervous excitement & the attitude of "let's just get to it already, I can't take the prelude / in between time". This hour is the hour after my first show has taped and I am gearing up for my second set of guest. I have a minute to think about how I accomplished one task on the list (my immediate past) and soon to start the last task standing in between me and my surgery (my immediate future). I have no witty quotes or punny bantar... I have "realization". The realization that I am making something happen in my life that I have been terrified of for my many years. The realization that I am literally taking a HUGE weight off my shoulders and will be moving through life like I once did.  And most importantly the realization that this process has shown me that I do have people in  my life that I can count on - W/OUT having to produce them.  Oh... and also the realization that I get to sleep and be on bed rest for 8 wonderful days! 

They are getting suspicous

 myBREASTS' "Dear John" letter
Okay so I have been very open with my breast reduction (and not just on this blog) I have been buzzing all around my office for the last week w/ EXCITEMENT and offering up MY Thanksgiving plans to anyone w/in ear shot. Today, however was particularly interesting. A co-worker of mine asked me "exactly how do they do a breast reduction" - now I have done enough research on this procedure and I felt qualified to illustrate and give a small presentation to "Chris".

<-------- My illustration  

My presentation ------> (a) The before picture: the "x's are where they make the cuts. It's called the "anchor method". (b) below - This is what my breast will look like when they are "open" and the areola is removed and the tweezers used to pull out the glandular tissue (c) The "jar" where they will place the fat & glandular tissue. (d) The areola before it's resized & then after it's resized. (e) the "after" picture w/ the scars. AND below is my "Dear John" letter to myBREAST!

Dear myBREAST, 

We have been together for 15 years or so... and we've been happy for most of that time. But I'm sure you have noticed the distance between us lately. We are growing further and further apart; our relationship is becoming a burden. It's not you... it's me. I'm not happy anymore. I wan to run, be free...and I can't give you the support you need. When we're together I feel like all eyes are on you and I'm just living in your shadow. We've had some great times; skanky halloween costumes, our trips to bathing suit clad islands, hands free driving, body rolls, shimmy shakes,  the memories are endless. Which is why it hurts me to leave you like this - sudden and without an explanation. It's better this way. But you will ALWAYS be my secret hiding place where I stash my cash.

blogQUOTE:  "My name is Raquel Welch. I am here for Visual Effects.... and I have two of them - rachel Welch
Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next

myBreast have a sense of humor

 <------ Mine are real / Leslie's are balloons -- talk about being the breast of a joke...
 I have a funny bone Breast - myBREAST can take a joke, they are both witty and pointy sharp!  I would say on average myBREAST are doing some sort of standup routine at least 2wice a week... why? Because I'd rather be the one to make fun of them than you. With double Js comes thick skin and an open demeanor. With 1 days and matter of hours left before my surgery... I felt a picture collage was best appropriate to show how funny myBreast really are!

<------ myBREAST side kick to "jamesbond"

                              myBREASTS on a horse ------->





<------ myBREASTS in the 70's on New York street

blogQUOTE: "Anything you say will be held against you... tits! - annymous
Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next

We are family....

OMG! myBREASTS has family!

I had to instantly blog about the two best things about today! A co-worker today sent me an amazing email from their friend that had a breast reduction about 8 years ago. She had about 1 pound removed and she LOVES her results! Sarah gave me four insights to her surgery and what she thinks will help ease some of my anxiety. 1. Celebrate the breast that I have now & give them a proper send off... which is this blog... it's my way of personifying a part of my body that has given me some pretty great years! 2. Love your new boobs no matter what! - not all breast are created equal and neither will my newly constructed breast. 3. Cocoa butter x 3 - use it and use it often! 4. Get excited!!! think of all the things me and my new breast can do. Well that's the info I needed to hear most. I haven't been excited about my breast - not really. I've been annoying my friends about what and how me and my new breast are gonna be... BUT really I just laugh to keep from crying. I feel almost shameful that I have to get this done. I feel like somehow I've failed in being able to control my body and my weight. But after reading Sarah's email I felt like I needed to get away from feeling like that. So I started getting a little bit excited - which was only reassured by a WONDERFUL conversation I had with @homegrown and her mom, who actually had a reduction about 3 years ago.

(most hilarious advice... use frozen peas to help with the swelling) -------------------------->

 Their energy was just AMAZING! She was so proud of her breast and made me feel completely at ease about this surgery. I hadn't even thought about going shopping and all the new things I can wear. I have actually been avoiding shopping. Buying my compression/sports bra is more than nerve-racking enough. But I will have AMAZING breast, that don't need a bra EVER - well after the first 3 months of course. I can actually buy button up shirts, & dresses. I think I am officially more excited than anxious today.

<-------- (Oh and I bought my "going to the hospital" outfit! - isn't it cute!!) It buttons up so don;t have to pull it over my head after surgery AND I'm still cute!
blogQUOTE: "Breast reduction surgery? That's like slapping God across the face." - superBAD


Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next

The doctors are in

myBREAST are like two miniature therapist who've got your psyche pegged! --
Ladies, all the ladies if you have any insecurities about yourBREAST - myBREAST will pick up on it. HOW? Do you ask... well simply because YOU bring them up. Much like gay men -- women fall into two categories. CAT 1: the "your breast are so huge they must cause a lot of pain and over all suck for you" category. aka the jealous and slightly insecure catergory. Some women will mention myBREAST by acknowledging they are large followed-up with a back-handed compliment. They themselves don't even realize their GREEN side is showing. then we have CAT 2: the "OMG! your breast are HUGE I wish my were that big, girl you better flaunt it since you got it" category. aka women secure in their own bodies but acknowledge there is something great about having large breast. This category is obviously my favorite. It's almost as if they take PRIDE in myBREAST in a way that I never could or have. They don't feel threatened by them and only remind me of the bootyliciousness of them rather than the back-handed compliments. Example: once in Vegas - I had a friend from CAT 2 tell the entire table that myBREAST were good luck charms AND then shouted out "SHAKE THOSE BOOBIES!!!" of course they were lucky and we won pretty big. another Example: We were at LIPS ( a restaurant that has performing drag queens sing and dance while you eat dinner). I left our table to use the restroom and to do so I had to walk by the stage. myBREAST got the attention of the MC and he/she called me up on stage. They played some Uncle Luke and I shook myBREAST to the beat and had a grand old time. NOW - I have achieved some pretty great things in my life which I am sure my family is proud of ... BUT it wasn't until I was on that stage shaking myBREAST that my cousin aka Numero Uno belted out at the TOP of her lungs -- "GET'EM THAT'S MY COUSIN!" -- she had never been prouder. She is, I would have to say, myBREAST's number two fan. (number one is my boo -- we'll just leave it at that).
myBREAST are also a source of comfort  - which only makes sense to you if you've ever had one of my world famous boobie hugs. "Come give momma a hug sugga" - you'll be surprised at how comforting it is to rest your head on a pair of double J's 
blogQUOTE: "Cover that bosom. I must not see it. Souls are wounded by such things, and they arouse wicked thoughts" - Moliere
Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!

The votes are in!

myBREAST have spoken... AND...
Before I go to sleep I wanted to inform the masses that I have decided to listen to the people (you all voted w/ a 56% ) and go to a "D" cup. I'm still not 100% in agreement but after my pre-op appointment it just made sense. I don't want to be pear shape... I still need my Beyonce curves! I got a whole list of things to do and my doctor set straight a lot of stuff I'd been reading online about breast reductions. That internet, I tell you WILL have you diagnosing everyone with everything. But that's it for an update - more to come in the morning.  

----------UPDATE-------------
This was just sent to me via babette Jane

<----- that's me!

 blogQUOTE: My bodies' too bootylicious for ya baby! - beyonce KNOWLES

Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!

To the Doctor we go!

myBREAST have their 1st pre-op appointment today!
I have a billion questions I need to ask my surgeon... like, can I now wear a striped button up shirt without my breast looking like beach balls? OR will I be able to walk at a normal pace and NOT get hit in the face with myBREAST.  No seriously I have a bizillion questions about the recovery. The procedure I've studied enough and if push came to shove I'd probably be able to do it myself... (after years of medical school of course).  I started building my -- you need to relax and focus on something completely arbitrary like making excel spreadsheets -- binder, nicknamed "New Adventures of Old Boobies" and I must say it's coming along swimmingly! It's served both purposes of keeping me distracted AND causing me to research the procedure and homeopathic ways to heal.  But I am still anxiously awaiting this appointment. I even picked up a little present for my surgeon and nurse. I'll try to post again after the appointment BUT today is pretty busy at work. I have to work double the speed since I have an appointment today and I want to get everything done by Wednesday... I'll try though.

blogQUOTE: Some people may be famous for creating a pencil sharpner. I'm famous for my breast - katie PRICE

Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!

Babtized

myBREAST have faith & Shall be born AGAIN
Clearly I have some control issues.... and most of you know I am a Preacher's Kid. Balancing a need for control and faith is essentially a tug-o-war with God. AND guess what? he ALWAYS wins! However it has taken me 20 -something years to learn that lesson... and like high school geometry -- (would insert a clever pun but remember nothing from high school geometry except the chain rule) -- I forget until it's time for a test. Last week when I was stressing out about having to rely on all these people; the surgeon, (who is awesome), my cousin (who is nurturing) my roommate (who is concerned about who will wash my dishes while I'm out of commission), and so on... It took me a few days but I realized I am only relying on the one person I have always relied on... GOD! What made me come to this conclusion... uh,duh... a test. My insurance company was trying to move my date of surgery (and by moving I mean postpone it indefinitely) Can you believe they were questioning whether I NEED the surgery or not... SERIOUSLY?!?!?!? the surgeon is estimating having to take 7 pounds out of each breast?!?!?! Which means they weigh well over 10 pounds EACH! I digress.. When they told me my first thought was to immediately call this woman's boss and go all John Q on them... "the hospital is under new management! FREE healthcare  breast reductions for everyone!"  But I didn't place the call I choose not to control that situation and let go, let God. I surrendered to the fact that it would take longer for me to get approved and if it wasn't happening then it wasn't meant to at this time. and THAT's what did it! - an hour later they call me back and apologize profusely - saying they hadn't even opened the pictures yet and were saying no because I hadn't been to the chiropractor. But once they saw myBreast in the bare - the where damn near trying to give me a purple heart for maintaining my double Js for all these years. Anyways my surgery is still absolutely happening on the 19th. MESSAGE! - trust in him who all things belong. God's got myBACK and myBREAST (amen, hallejueha, thank-ya Jesus!) - I knew it and now myBREAST know it. I think I'll baptize them int he shower today, sprinkle a little holy water on the double Js.  Point is just relax!!!!

<---- that's me in rare form ... relaxing....
<---- and that's Kelly...


blogQUOTE: "a person's very highest moment is when they kneel in the dust and beat their breast and tells all the sins of their life " - oscar WILDE

Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!

A breast by any other name is still a breast... I'll just be annoyed!

myBREAST have a name... 
Tits, balloons, bosoms, mangos, bazongas, fun bags, gazingas, jugs, boobs, boobies, tig ol bitties, sweater puppies, tatas, hooters... the list could go on and on. But I would just like to set the record straight.  When referring to my sexy mammary glands, please address them by their God given name... BREAST! Any of the aforementioned adjectives do NOT give myBREAST justice. For example: the word boobie (pronounced boo-by) is defined as n. pl. 1. a person regarded as stupid AND/OR 2. any of several tropical birds. Last I checked myBREAST didn't have feathers and they are DEFINITELY smarter than ANYONE who underestimates their knowledge and power.

blogQUOTE: "I think it's about time we voted for senators with breasts. After all, we've been voting for boobs long enough" - annymous SENATOR.

Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!

You're SUCH a Boobiesexual!

myBREAST & Gay men: They either LOVE them or HATE them; Nothing in Between. 

myBREAST categorize gay men in one of two columns: Column A - "awkward interactions" meaning myBREAST make them udder-ly uncomfortable. OR Column B - "boobiesexuals" meaning they have an unexaplained connection to myBREAST, almost like a teenage boy seeing a naked woman for the first time. While they are comfortable in their sexuality and definitely love men... myBREAST draw them in like a siren to a ship wrecked sailor. It's like their hypnotized. Now... gay men - being attracted to men and all - seem to thing because they are gay it some how makes it okay for them to not only talk about my breast at every turn, but to touch them at every whim. If I had a quarter for every time a gay man tried to motor boat my double Js.... well let's just say I'd have enough to take care of my copay for the reduction. 

ALSO - boobiesexuality is NOT just limited to gay men! I have several straight female friends (and you know who you are) who, after years of friendship, now greet me by tapping me on the top of one breast. [It's absolutely not any of the people in the picture to the left. lol]



blogQUOTE: I hope people realize there is a brain underneath the hair and a heart underneath the boobs" - dolly PARTON.

Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!

What do you mean I CAN'T control my own surgery?

myBREAST are fine: myPSYCHE... that's open for discussion!  Okay so... I told myself I would be completely honest on this blog and that includes my negative thoughts about this surgery. Less than 5 minutes ago I completely freaked out! In 17 days someone is going to cut into my body and forever change my life. As I'm sure you've guessed, I have a flare for the dramatic BUT nonetheless, anxiety is anxiety; mine just happens to come with a boa, a tiara and a sign that says "drama queen". Thanks to my cousin and care taker Numero Uno I'm feeling much better... she calmed me down by pointing out that I'm crazy... lol. I am admittedly a control freak. The thought of laying on a table unconscious for 5 1/2 hours while someone else is in charge makes me terrified! THEN on top of that I am at the mercy of  Numero Uno for 4 days. AGAIN - not in control! Well duh! Of course I'm freaking the f out! I digress... I have decided to produce er uhm ORGANIZE this like a show er uhm my life (which is totally organized) Tomorrow, I make a binder. cover page will read: "New Adventures of Old Boobies". 

blog QUOTE: You know what life really is? You're born, you suck your mother's tits. You get a little older, you suck your girlfriend's tits. You get married, you suck your wife's tits. That's what life is. Life sucks.  - john RYMAN


Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!

everyONE look at me!

<-- Hoping to look like that! The moment I realized I was serious about getting a breast reduction, I started having what I call a mourning period. Coming to the conclusion was a tough choice, although I now see the necessity, it still honestly scares the crap out of me.

my BREAST: Center of Attention
I have had large breast my entire life. I was the only 4th grader wearing a bra, a b cup at that. They have always been proportionately big compared to the rest of my body. The more weight I gained the bigger they got. By time I was in high school I was a D cup weighing in at 125lbs.  By the time college was over I was a double J weighing in at 165 lbs. I'm a whopping 5 feet tall and my breast are basically my whole upper body. Scratch that, my breast ARE my upper body! Next to my skin complexion it's easiest identifying way to describe me. For the last 20 years of my life (I'm 30 now so it started young) I've been "You know Gyllian, the short black girl with HUGE tits". Tits, by the way is a word I despise! But... anyone I meet after November 19th, won't know me or describe as such. Oddly enough, I don't know how I feel about that. Really it's a annoying, because having large breast so seems to make them open for discussion at anytime, anywhere. I mean anywhere...with anyone... especially gay men and toddler aged boys. I mean they come up at work, school, the grocery store, the hair salon, everywhere! Annoying... but am I ready to give up that attention? hmmmm... not sure. What I suspect will happen is I will still talk freely about my "large" breast but them not being so large, I'll get a lot of side glances and people thinking I'm vain. I suppose psychologically, I'll always be "You know Gyllian, the short, black, girl with HUGE tits".

blog QUOTE: Whoever thought up the word 'mammogram'? Every time I hear it, I think I'm supposed to put my breast in an envelope and send it to someone - jan KING



Here's to going from DOUBLE J to D; physically & psychologically - till the next post!